The key to happiness is right in front of you
The person to your left. Your right. In front. And behind.
I grabbed two cups of lousy French coffee and made my way through the crowd toward my brother-in-law. He was smiling. I was nervous. It was the first time we’d met in person.
“Thanks for making the drive up here with my sister and parents,” he said.
“Not a problem. I’ve never been to France, let alone a Buddhist monastery, so it wasn’t that big of an ask.”
“When you married my sister, I bet you didn’t think that her brother would walk around all day in a robe singing funny songs."
I’d heard stories about Marc. My wife told me girls used to go crazy for him. I immediately understood why. He looked like every actor I can’t remember the name of. Cheekbones that could cut glass. Perfectly kept, unkempt beard. Blue eyes that pierced through his shaggy, black curly hair. But what I wasn’t expecting was his sense of humor. The guy was cool. He put me at immediate ease.
“I gotta know something,” I said as we sat down on a random bench. “Three years. Twenty other guys. Spending your days and nights inside an area no bigger than a basketball court! What's your secret? How'd you stay sane?”
“It’s not that bad,” he replied with a laugh. “But don’t get me wrong, I seriously questioned my decision during the first few months. But around the 90-day mark, I experienced a shift. I stopped worrying so much about myself and I started to think about how I could connect with the people around me and make a contribution to better this community.”
After a long pause that I’m glad I didn’t interrupt, Marc concluded his retort by saying — “My life used to be complicated. But now it’s pretty simple. Happiness is found in doing what you can to make the lives of the people around you a little bit better. At least, that’s my take.”
Happiness isn’t only an inner-game
I was once told that it’s not what we collect that matters, but rather what we choose to keep. The conversation above — passed down to me on a drizzly day in France — is one of the lessons I plan to carry with me.
Most people wake up each day and think about what they need to do. Deadlines. To-do lists. And a bunch of other stress-inducing things in our endless pursuit to crush our goals.
People like Marc, though, serve as a reminder that waking up each day and asking yourself how you can best help the people around you is potentially an easier option. A more effective one.
Think about the happy people around you. Who’s truly smiling? Who’s laughing? Who’s actually sleeping well at night? Sure, some people may take a magic pill while others spend their Sundays rolling around in their stash of invisible bitcoin. But I’d be willing to bet that the majority of happy people you know, lead pretty normal lives. Dare I say, even average ones.
The big secret that these people share isn’t a secret at all — they’ve just realized there’s more to life than themselves.
The person to your right. Your left. Front. And behind. When people are old and grey, when asked what matters most, it’s not a coincidence the names of the people in their lives are the first thing they say.
Chase after your goals. Button your to-do list up nice and tight. Just don’t forget to also lift up your head and identify ways to make the lives of the people around you a little better.
Words of encouragement.
Looking after your neighbor.
Asking if you can lend a hand.
We all have different definitions for the word “success.” But no matter your interpretation, it loses serious power if you aren’t doing what you can to make sure the people you love, love you back.
Marc’s no longer a monk. The same day I met him he locked eyes with a Portuguese woman who was leaving a retreat of her own. Months later, they began sending each other postcards.
They don’t make much money. They share a beat-up car. Their rented house is small. He tends to the finances of the monastery when needed while they both do odd jobs around town with people they like who like them. Each morning, he sends us photos of the sunrise over the French countryside. He makes simple yet seriously delicious soups for his friends.
Some people would call this a mediocre existence.
The older I get, the more I think it’s extraordinary.
While everyone’s running towards every ding and piece of bling, Marc’s walking slowly in the direction where he’s needed with a smile that rivals those piercing blue eyes.
If you enjoyed this article, you may like my book which will be released into the wild on July 16th — Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out.
Here’s what Denise Young (former Head of HR & Talent at Apple and author of When We Are Seen) had to say about it —
“This book is a gift, a huge relief, and an easier way to be more wonderfully human.”
Thank you for reading.
My best to you and yours.
— Michael
Absolutely fabulous. So well written. And the meaning such a clear reminder. Thank you Michael.
You had me chuckling with the "magic pill" and "invisible bitcoin" references! But on a serious note, this article is a treasure trove of wisdom. It's so easy to lose sight of what truly matters in the daily grind, and Marc's story is like a wake-up call. It reminds us that happiness isn't about the things we collect, but the connections we nurture. It's about choosing to keep the moments of love, laughter, and shared experiences close to our hearts. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece – it's a reminder that happiness isn't an elusive unicorn, but a choice we make every day.