How to quietly win people’s attention in a loud world

Choosing to be a calming influence when things go south is a seriously attractive quality

Jul 02, 2024

“I’ve arrived!” the young Hungarian announced to an audience of none. The year was 1921. The place was San Francisco. The man had been traveling for days, but instead of looking for a place to rest, he had one last thing to do.

“Excuse me ma’am!” he politely said to an elderly woman. “Would you mind pointing me in the direction of the building that houses the city press?”

“You can’t miss it!” the woman replied while motioning straight ahead. “It’s that building right there with all the flags hanging from it.”

After giving the woman a hat tip to show his appreciation, the young man made the short walk down the street. Then, he promptly checked into a hotel next to the building that housed the press, lugged his bags up seven flights of stairs, traded in his dusty clothes for a tattered straitjacket, and promptly threw himself out his hotel window.

As you can imagine, the man’s antics sent shockwaves throughout the city. The next night, thanks to neighbors talking to neighbors and a building full of journalists reporting their first-hand account of how the man had officially arrived, the young traveler performed more magic tricks — only this time to a sold-out crowd.

One hundred years ago, Harry Houdini hung himself outside seven-story buildings to get people’s attention.

If that’s not your style and you prefer drawing attention to yourself without drawing attention to yourself, give the handful of ways below a shot.

Wear your “weaknesses” with pride

“Being honest about the existence of a small blemish can enhance your offering’s true beauty.” I love this thought from Daniel Pink, the author of “To Sell Is Human.”

Except the rule doesn’t only apply to sales.

It also applies to us as human beings.

I stutter. I’m also a communication strategist. Some people immediately write me off because of this. That’s fine by me. I’m not trying to attract some people — I’m trying to attract the right people. Those who understand the person who came in sixth but looks like they don’t belong in the same pool as Michael Phelps can probably teach them a great deal.

We all have shortcomings. Lean into yours. Don’t hide. Never apologize for being yourself.

People are seriously drawn to those who see beauty in their so-called blemishes.

Make a commitment to being consistently average

Business keynote speaker and ADHD evangelist Peter Shankman sent out an email a while back that housed a wonderful piece of advice.

A few days prior, he’d been invited to join a tight-knit community. But there was one glaring problem: the invitation was for an all-women’s group.

And Peter, as his name implies, is not a woman.

“Be brilliant at the basics.” Peter went on to add. “Get the little things right, and win at the big things. It’s that simple!”

I couldn’t agree more with this. Every few weeks I get an email from someone in South Florida asking me if I’m interested in writing about the booming real estate market. I’ve never written about real estate. Except for the time I shared a story about losing my house so I may not be the best person to listen to when it comes to that type of investing. Throw in the fact that a surprising number of these people refer to me as Bruce instead of Michael and color me red.

Everyone today is moving fast. “I’m gonna get mine!” they shout. If you wanna stand out, do the opposite by moving slowly to ensure each step you take is the right one.

This is particularly true when other people are involved.

Building a reputation for not wasting other people’s time is a seriously underrated quality.

Choose to have brave conversations

Author and mega-popular podcast host, Tim Ferriss, has shared some pretty solid thoughts and ideas during his career. But none are more important than the following — “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”

A lot of people tend to shy away from hard conversations. If you want your work to stand out, a solid piece of advice is to not do what a lot of people do.

Be proactive in getting in front of critiques.
Surround yourself with people who will give it to you straight.
Position yourself as someone who does the same for others.

Sure, it may sting. Growth doesn’t come cheap. But over time, you’ll not only improve faster than the people around you, but the right people will also begin to notice.

Good things come to those who care more about getting things right than being right.

Think forward when life pushes you back

Whenever my team and I got bad news in my first sales job, instead of going into self-protection mode or flipping out like a lot of leaders do, our manager would immediately pull each of us aside to ask if we were doing okay. Then, once we vented and began to cool down, he’d ask us about ideas for the first right step we could take.

More times than not, a few minutes later I’d find him outside huffing down a Camel and screaming at the sun like a banshee. But he never once skipped out on doing what he could to chill us out so we could get back into a positive groove.

When you get bad news, steal a line from my former manager.

A lot of people prioritize things like confidence and charisma.

But just as many people are also drawn to those who have the self-discipline to be a calming influence when things go wrong.

Lean into what other people aren’t saying

“Want to stand out on Linkedin? Don’t talk about work!”

My buddy’s advice was a real lightbulb moment for me. As a result, instead of having “founder” or “content creator” splashed all over my social media profiles like every other Tom, Dick, and Veronica, I have the words — “Co-creator of two cool little boys.”

I’ve written over 300 1,000+ word articles. Some of which have done pretty well. Even still, those simple six words have led to more coaching clients and comments than all of those articles put together.

Play with your messaging. Look for a small way to differentiate yourself. If you don’t think you’re very good at it, contract someone to teach you the ropes.

I’ve been told quite a few times that I’d get more clients if I leaned into work first in my bio. But work isn’t my primary priority and as long as I have a family it never will.

The online world has indeed become a massive blur with all the AI hype and pop-up influencers.

But we still live in an amazing time.

One simple, well-placed sentence has the potential to attract thousands.

Never stop being a “ladder-holder”

I was once told that the moment you step into a leadership position your personal career dies as your only job is to make sure the people around you rise. I immediately latched onto that.

I work with a lot of young people who are moving fast. Without a doubt, the number one reason some of them begin to slow down is once they get a taste of success, instead of being helpful — the very quality that led to their career speed — they treat their own agenda as their only agenda.

If you want to get people’s attention, be persistently generous and make out on-a-limb recommendations to people who show promise. Keep your eye on how people are improving. Don’t be stingy with your compliments and give credit where credit is due.

If it helps to stick the habit, keep a to-do list of what other people are doing. It’s a good way to get out of your own head while identifying ways to place yourself in the hearts of others.

The older you get, the more you’ll begin to realize caring is the definition of cool.

Thank you for reading.
My very best to you and yours.
— Michael

PS: If this topic resonates, you may enjoy my book — Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out.

Here’s what Julio Vincent Gambuto, award-winning moviemaker and author of "Please Unsubscribe, Thanks!” had to say about it —

“In a world that incentivizes and exploits our loudness, Shy by Design is an important call for us to cultivate our quirks, own our story, and value our unique voice.”