I love this advice. I used to be so concerned about what others thought about me that I thought I had to hide any potential "blemish". This fear of showing any flaw or weakness certainly contributed to a decades-long battle with disordered eating. What I'v discovered is that our flaws are what make us human. People don't really want to talk to someone who is "perfect" or "has it all figured out" because they are totally unrelatable!
Vulnerability is hard - it does take brave conversations and a willingness to feel the uncertainty of how someone may or may not respond. Making sure you have a soft space to land - with yourself or a loved one - can make that leap feel a bit more safe.
Thank you Jane for this thoughtful reply. Took me a long time to accept myself for who I am and the underlying current of my book is this idea that our "blemishes" are what make us human and being open about that (like you have here) brings us together. I really appreciate you taking the time and your courage.
And yes, having a soft space to land is huge. I often say I step out of my comfort zone for work as I'm very open in my struggles which can be hard but having my wife and kids as comfort at home makes all the difference.
Jane, I find your story is so powerful and relatable.
It's true that trying to appear perfect can make us feel isolated--Embracing our flaws and being vulnerable can make us more human and approachable and it's inspiring to hear how you've found strength in showing your true self.
Thank you Sol. It's so interesting how embracing our flaws and being vulnerable can simultaneously feel scary yet be the thing actually creates the connection we crave.
He studied Elgin Baylor and his footwork to the point where he did it daily. Hours of working on footwork in the gym, the boring stuff that most people won't do because it's not sexy.
I love the tagline "Choosing to be a calming influence when things go south is a seriously attractive quality." So much of what you said could describe me as well. The one compliment I receive consistently from colleagues and clients is that I create an oasis of calm when they are with me. That is good enough for me. Thanks for championing us quiet folk.
Hey Michael, this is such an awesome post! I particularly love the Tim Ferris quote you included about how success is measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations we’re willing to have. I totally agree with that and it’s the fastest way to improve and also think outside of the box more than we’re used to! That’s something I’m constantly trying to do with my writing and getting lots of feedback. Thank you so much for posting this! :)
Thank you Khadejah for the thoughtful comment. When I started I had a group of editing buddies working together and we tore our stuff apart. Sped up the learning curve tremendously. I hate the advice of "the best way to become a better writer is to write, write, and write some more," as that cuts out a key part of learning which is feedback from people who will give it to you straight.
I totally agree Michael! I might try to get an editor myself too just to figure out things I might be missing from my writing. Thank you so much for your comment as well and keep up the great work! :)
Seeing that these tips worked for you brings hope.
As I was reading I thought the caveat is that they require more patience than the usual tactics. Which already require more patience than people expect.Don't you think?
Hey good point Alberto and well spotted. I think for sustained "success" of any kind, patience is huge. Slow and steady can compete with fast and loud. Key is to know which race you want to play and to own your pace. The last point of being a ladder-holder has done more for my career than just about any other as slowly the right people saw i was doing what I could to help others and over time they helped me.
" I was once told that the moment you step into a leadership position your personal career dies as your only job is to make sure the people around you rise" - Like yourself I don't tend to agree with this comment. For me leadership is all about letting others shine and bring out the best in them. It's never had a negative impact on my own career. And it's just so rewarding seeing others grow!
Absolutely leaders like this have much less turnover and usually when there is turnover it’s because they are moving up, not out. Managers (because they aren’t really leaders) drive good employees away.
I am going to lean so hard into what people aren't saying. How do people not get tired of the same things over and over and over and over and over? Especially on LinkedIn!
Lucky for me, being consistently average came naturally
And you've become a stud because of it;).
I struggle with being vulnerable. I recently tried posting something personal online, but deleted it within 30 minutes of posting.
I'm thinking of giving it a go again next tomorrow. Let's see what happens.
I'd love to hear more of your story Precious and like Alberto said below, start small.
Thank you, Michael.
Remember that vulnerable doesn't mean compromising. You can start small, just beyond your comfort zone and get used to it gradually.
Thank you so much, Alberto. Appreciate this.
Love that Houdini story. So well done and can't wait till your book arrives.
I'm partial to that one as well and thank you so much for ordering the book - Michael.
I love this advice. I used to be so concerned about what others thought about me that I thought I had to hide any potential "blemish". This fear of showing any flaw or weakness certainly contributed to a decades-long battle with disordered eating. What I'v discovered is that our flaws are what make us human. People don't really want to talk to someone who is "perfect" or "has it all figured out" because they are totally unrelatable!
Vulnerability is hard - it does take brave conversations and a willingness to feel the uncertainty of how someone may or may not respond. Making sure you have a soft space to land - with yourself or a loved one - can make that leap feel a bit more safe.
Thank you Jane for this thoughtful reply. Took me a long time to accept myself for who I am and the underlying current of my book is this idea that our "blemishes" are what make us human and being open about that (like you have here) brings us together. I really appreciate you taking the time and your courage.
And yes, having a soft space to land is huge. I often say I step out of my comfort zone for work as I'm very open in my struggles which can be hard but having my wife and kids as comfort at home makes all the difference.
Vurtual handshake from small town Spain.
Michael
Jane, I find your story is so powerful and relatable.
It's true that trying to appear perfect can make us feel isolated--Embracing our flaws and being vulnerable can make us more human and approachable and it's inspiring to hear how you've found strength in showing your true self.
Thanks for sharing a piece of your journey :)
Thank you Sol. It's so interesting how embracing our flaws and being vulnerable can simultaneously feel scary yet be the thing actually creates the connection we crave.
It really is, Jane. It really is.
Thoroughly enjoyed this. Thank you, Michael.
Get good at the basics, learn to be boring.
I always think of Kobe Bryant when I hear this.
He studied Elgin Baylor and his footwork to the point where he did it daily. Hours of working on footwork in the gym, the boring stuff that most people won't do because it's not sexy.
Learn to be boring.
Learn to be boring is a great thoughts. Thanks for sharing this Mike.
Beautiful. super advice.
Thank you Justin.
I absolutely love this advice. It was so encouraging. Thanks for sharing!
I really appreciate the support BEE.
No problem!
I love the tagline "Choosing to be a calming influence when things go south is a seriously attractive quality." So much of what you said could describe me as well. The one compliment I receive consistently from colleagues and clients is that I create an oasis of calm when they are with me. That is good enough for me. Thanks for championing us quiet folk.
Thank you Laurie. Oasis of calm is hot;).
Hey Michael, this is such an awesome post! I particularly love the Tim Ferris quote you included about how success is measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations we’re willing to have. I totally agree with that and it’s the fastest way to improve and also think outside of the box more than we’re used to! That’s something I’m constantly trying to do with my writing and getting lots of feedback. Thank you so much for posting this! :)
Thank you Khadejah for the thoughtful comment. When I started I had a group of editing buddies working together and we tore our stuff apart. Sped up the learning curve tremendously. I hate the advice of "the best way to become a better writer is to write, write, and write some more," as that cuts out a key part of learning which is feedback from people who will give it to you straight.
I totally agree Michael! I might try to get an editor myself too just to figure out things I might be missing from my writing. Thank you so much for your comment as well and keep up the great work! :)
Being vulnerable opens you up to the world.
You actually say: “Look at me, I’m daring to expose myself and that will help me.”
Man, great to see you here Bryan. Based on the title of your publication I feel like the two of us should link up at some point if you're down.
Great idea! I’ll send you a message.
Seeing that these tips worked for you brings hope.
As I was reading I thought the caveat is that they require more patience than the usual tactics. Which already require more patience than people expect.Don't you think?
Hey good point Alberto and well spotted. I think for sustained "success" of any kind, patience is huge. Slow and steady can compete with fast and loud. Key is to know which race you want to play and to own your pace. The last point of being a ladder-holder has done more for my career than just about any other as slowly the right people saw i was doing what I could to help others and over time they helped me.
I think the need for money kills patience.
This is why for most people it's better to have financial security before starting building online.
Have you been you a ladder-holder only in real life or also online?
I'm very bad at that. I think of other people, but forget to let them know about it...
Can you leave some beautiful sentences for the rest of us, please? Jeez. Great stuff, brother.
Thanks man.
My superpower! 💕
" I was once told that the moment you step into a leadership position your personal career dies as your only job is to make sure the people around you rise" - Like yourself I don't tend to agree with this comment. For me leadership is all about letting others shine and bring out the best in them. It's never had a negative impact on my own career. And it's just so rewarding seeing others grow!
Absolutely leaders like this have much less turnover and usually when there is turnover it’s because they are moving up, not out. Managers (because they aren’t really leaders) drive good employees away.
I am going to lean so hard into what people aren't saying. How do people not get tired of the same things over and over and over and over and over? Especially on LinkedIn!
Wait, what do you mean A.E.?
I am going to try to write more content that's not so focused on the usual subjects :)