As a creative who also strives to share vulnerably and from the heart (with as little ego as possible), I find this very inspiring. What I especially appreciate about this article aren't the self-satisfied and cynical jabs at your writing (even though some of them are indeed witty and funny and/or insightful), but the resilience that you've cultivated to them, and that you continue to share as openly as you do...
Some big laughs this morning reading the list. This one got me most:
“I don’t know who I dislike more, people who don’t pick up their dog’s shit or people who write articles about how these 9 quotes from Dalai Lama will change my life.”
HeyMichael, Your singing to the choir with this one: "The world would be a much kinder place if people stopped reading self-help articles and thought about how they could help other people more."
A bit like purity culture of spirituality — passive prayer without action.
“If I was pissed off and some dude began quoting Marcus Aurelius, I’d kick him in the beans.” Man there are some funny lines in this article. Pure comedy. Totally agree on Tony Robbins. He would just look like an angry short guy that people would ignore. In that universe he probably goes on to be a global dictator!
Hahaha the stoic one …love these. My Swiss family would agree with these…and then follow it up with non-stop opinions on EVERYTHING including how to live your life. 😂
Haha, these are great. Although I can understand how it might be hurtful. I haven't told anyone except my mom about my Medium writing because some of it does veer into self help and I want it to stay that way. :)
Haha. Nothing wrong with self-help though they do have a point that there should be more posts about helping others. I was more nervous to have my parents and brothers read my book than anyone else. I think living in Europe though has helped tame my writing so it's more about my experiernce and what I've done and not telling other people they "must" do something. More like, this happened to me and this is what I learned - take it or leave it.
Hey thanks Ramon. I laughed hardest at the "This sucks" line also.
To answer your question, I don't think so. Most of my friends in Spain, family, past work buddies etc are all pretty balanced and just don't understand the constant drum of personal development coming out of the US and how everything needs to be optimized and the constant grind for more. I get it. LinkedIn doesn't help as it's all "look at me" and "how I make 50k a month." Culture here doesn't help as Catalans aren't big on authority figures telling them what's best for arguably very good reasons but that's another article.
This had me laughing and thinking. It's refreshing to see humor and humility.
What struck me, though, is that skepticism of self-help often comes from cultural differences and life experiences. Some circles meet self-help with skepticism, but every concept faces opposition.
I’ve found it’s more about finding small shifts that improve how we live and create. We all evolve through openness, curiosity, and making continuous adjustments through movement.
Really appreciate the love Alexandra. And right on regarding cultural differences. I think the key though is to show why an aspect of self-help matters to you and your experience with it instead of just telling people what to do. Here in Spain, the authoritative approach doesn’t sit well which I get as I don’t like being told what to do.
Same here, Mikael! I can relate to your experience. I am like you. I believe in showing why certain self-help principles matter instead of dictating them. I am originally from Lisbon, Portugal, and have been living as an expat in Europe since 2010. I am living in Sweden. In my case, I have experienced a different cultural approach. It is not authoritative. It allows me to make my own decisions. This is an aspect here that I appreciate.
I've found that real change comes from adding curiosity to our daily lives, as you mentioned. This involves inviting others to explore without prescribing a solution. Thanks for this! : )
This article cracked me up so badly. No 9 literally had me rofl.
Thank you for sharing such a golden piece with us. It takes a lot of vulnerability to even navigate these friends and it's inspiring to see how you have managed to get going despite these comments.
Also a lesson for me to not to take things too seriously.
If people get me, fine. If they don't, that's also okay. Their problem, not mine. 😊
Amen on the not taking things so seriously. I like banter and weirdly enough my closest friends are those who I can happily argue with. Plus, my friends have some very valid points. But that’s not going to stop me from posting an article on the importance of disappearing;).
Michaela Coel’s Grammy acceptance speech on disappearing trumps my friends little comments;).
“I just wrote a little something for writers, really. Write the tale that scares you. That makes you feel uncertain. That isn’t comfortable.
I dare you.
In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to in turn, feel the need to be constantly visible — for visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success.
Do not be afraid to disappear. From it. From us. For a while.
This is so profound. Lucky you to have friends you can banter with on that level. And that in itself says a lot about having an open mind and learning from different perspectives, even when they don’t align with your principles or don’t immediately resonate. It takes real maturity to adapt to that kind of dialogue.
Michael Simmons actually touched on something similar in an article he wrote a few weeks ago on "Integrative Complexity." In his words (paraphrased), "It’s the ability to hold and develop opposing traits, values, and ideas and then integrate them into a larger understanding. It's an insightful perspective that challenges the conventional wisdom of having to pick one side or the other." I loved the article a lot.
And I absolutely love for Michaela Coel’s quote. Alone time, loneliness, boredom, or however we choose to define it, is so underrated. We all need that disappearing act to tap into something deeper within ourselves. For me, being alone is my superpower, and it’s in those moments of solitude that I discover the most about who I am and what really matters.
So yes, disappear when you need to. Silence has a way of speaking volumes.
I love Michael Simmons - he was a big help on my book and we're doing an interview together on the 26th. Been a buddy for five or so years now as we met on Medium. The guy is as nice as he is smart (which says a lot) and that intro to his "integrative complexity" was his best yet. I'm a little bit more simple and at the age of 46 have just come to adapt the principle that people are amazing and differences give the world color. If you want to be bored, hang out with people like you all the time;).
And yes, I do disappear. A bit too often. At least from the online world. Good for my sanity. Bad for my writing career;).
Hope to catch you around here more often and looking forward to digging into your posts as your publication sounds up my alley.
Do Europeans know about vulnerability? Or, do they know already everything?
Well, I am European, and I tend to escape from this crowd: the arrogant. I know them too well.
But some have read my articles, loved them, and kept to themselves. These are the genuine ones. People must be humble to read.
I believe Scandinavia is different, though. Examples: I've seen self-help gurus giving seminars for a huge audience; people buying any kind of self-help book; Companies paying every kind of consultant and having meetings to understand how the employee is feeling valued, etc... This approach is very rarely found in Southern Europe. People in Scandinavia are low profile, invest in personal growth a lot and are a priorit to themselves.
This observation comes from a southern European living in Stockholm 😉.
OMFG!!!! This was hilarious and made my day!! Because I'm sort of like them, but stuck in the self help world with a love-hate relationship lol...this was fucking amazing! Thank you!
So glad you liked it Shruthi and right there with you regarding love-hate relationship with it. Growing up shy, stuttering and feeling like I didn’t have a voice, most of my work today is working with students and clients to own who they are. I can sleep well at night as I do view my work is helpful. I think what irks them is people barking orders without explaining why something matters to them.
If any one of your friends' responses was turned into an article it would be better than 99.99% of all self-help. Hilarious.
Well played James. Will get with them to write a full post one of these days and not a listicle - like get them wasted and keep pushing one topic.
Hahaha James, I came here to say the same thing! :)
As a creative who also strives to share vulnerably and from the heart (with as little ego as possible), I find this very inspiring. What I especially appreciate about this article aren't the self-satisfied and cynical jabs at your writing (even though some of them are indeed witty and funny and/or insightful), but the resilience that you've cultivated to them, and that you continue to share as openly as you do...
Some big laughs this morning reading the list. This one got me most:
“I don’t know who I dislike more, people who don’t pick up their dog’s shit or people who write articles about how these 9 quotes from Dalai Lama will change my life.”
Effing hilarious. 😂
Thanks James. I have 20 or so more but 30 already felt long. Part 2 coming maybe in 2025.
HeyMichael, Your singing to the choir with this one: "The world would be a much kinder place if people stopped reading self-help articles and thought about how they could help other people more."
A bit like purity culture of spirituality — passive prayer without action.
That's my favorite one I think (well, maybe I do also like the Stoic one alot).
wohoo the good stuff is coming over to Substack! 🧡
Unfortunately this is the last of my good stuff;)
“If I was pissed off and some dude began quoting Marcus Aurelius, I’d kick him in the beans.” Man there are some funny lines in this article. Pure comedy. Totally agree on Tony Robbins. He would just look like an angry short guy that people would ignore. In that universe he probably goes on to be a global dictator!
hahaha.
Why was that entertaining. For some reason I loved this article. It'll makes me think about what I've written, and what I will write.
Hahaha the stoic one …love these. My Swiss family would agree with these…and then follow it up with non-stop opinions on EVERYTHING including how to live your life. 😂
haha. this is great.
Are we related? 🤔
I've got the same Swiss family...
Could be one of the reasons I live in Transylvania. 😎
😂😂
Haha, these are great. Although I can understand how it might be hurtful. I haven't told anyone except my mom about my Medium writing because some of it does veer into self help and I want it to stay that way. :)
Haha. Nothing wrong with self-help though they do have a point that there should be more posts about helping others. I was more nervous to have my parents and brothers read my book than anyone else. I think living in Europe though has helped tame my writing so it's more about my experiernce and what I've done and not telling other people they "must" do something. More like, this happened to me and this is what I learned - take it or leave it.
Hey Michael, have you found that people just 'project' themselves too easily?
All these answers seem like they are just projecting themselves, their pain. And that may be the reason for all the hate.
This made me laugh out loud 🤣:
Here’s what one of them said about it —
“This sucks.”
Hey thanks Ramon. I laughed hardest at the "This sucks" line also.
To answer your question, I don't think so. Most of my friends in Spain, family, past work buddies etc are all pretty balanced and just don't understand the constant drum of personal development coming out of the US and how everything needs to be optimized and the constant grind for more. I get it. LinkedIn doesn't help as it's all "look at me" and "how I make 50k a month." Culture here doesn't help as Catalans aren't big on authority figures telling them what's best for arguably very good reasons but that's another article.
Yeah I hear you, culture plays a big role. I should know, I’m originally from Mexico. I’m just a big personal dev nerd 🤓
Your next book - "10 ways to find friends as cool as mine, and why you really, really, really need them"
Hahaha. On it. Actually probably not as couldn’t imagine a book right now. Give me 93 years;).
This had me laughing and thinking. It's refreshing to see humor and humility.
What struck me, though, is that skepticism of self-help often comes from cultural differences and life experiences. Some circles meet self-help with skepticism, but every concept faces opposition.
I’ve found it’s more about finding small shifts that improve how we live and create. We all evolve through openness, curiosity, and making continuous adjustments through movement.
Thanks for sharing, Michael!
Really appreciate the love Alexandra. And right on regarding cultural differences. I think the key though is to show why an aspect of self-help matters to you and your experience with it instead of just telling people what to do. Here in Spain, the authoritative approach doesn’t sit well which I get as I don’t like being told what to do.
Same here, Mikael! I can relate to your experience. I am like you. I believe in showing why certain self-help principles matter instead of dictating them. I am originally from Lisbon, Portugal, and have been living as an expat in Europe since 2010. I am living in Sweden. In my case, I have experienced a different cultural approach. It is not authoritative. It allows me to make my own decisions. This is an aspect here that I appreciate.
I've found that real change comes from adding curiosity to our daily lives, as you mentioned. This involves inviting others to explore without prescribing a solution. Thanks for this! : )
This article cracked me up so badly. No 9 literally had me rofl.
Thank you for sharing such a golden piece with us. It takes a lot of vulnerability to even navigate these friends and it's inspiring to see how you have managed to get going despite these comments.
Also a lesson for me to not to take things too seriously.
If people get me, fine. If they don't, that's also okay. Their problem, not mine. 😊
Amen on the not taking things so seriously. I like banter and weirdly enough my closest friends are those who I can happily argue with. Plus, my friends have some very valid points. But that’s not going to stop me from posting an article on the importance of disappearing;).
Michaela Coel’s Grammy acceptance speech on disappearing trumps my friends little comments;).
“I just wrote a little something for writers, really. Write the tale that scares you. That makes you feel uncertain. That isn’t comfortable.
I dare you.
In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to in turn, feel the need to be constantly visible — for visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success.
Do not be afraid to disappear. From it. From us. For a while.
And see what comes to you in the silence.”
This is so profound. Lucky you to have friends you can banter with on that level. And that in itself says a lot about having an open mind and learning from different perspectives, even when they don’t align with your principles or don’t immediately resonate. It takes real maturity to adapt to that kind of dialogue.
Michael Simmons actually touched on something similar in an article he wrote a few weeks ago on "Integrative Complexity." In his words (paraphrased), "It’s the ability to hold and develop opposing traits, values, and ideas and then integrate them into a larger understanding. It's an insightful perspective that challenges the conventional wisdom of having to pick one side or the other." I loved the article a lot.
And I absolutely love for Michaela Coel’s quote. Alone time, loneliness, boredom, or however we choose to define it, is so underrated. We all need that disappearing act to tap into something deeper within ourselves. For me, being alone is my superpower, and it’s in those moments of solitude that I discover the most about who I am and what really matters.
So yes, disappear when you need to. Silence has a way of speaking volumes.
I love Michael Simmons - he was a big help on my book and we're doing an interview together on the 26th. Been a buddy for five or so years now as we met on Medium. The guy is as nice as he is smart (which says a lot) and that intro to his "integrative complexity" was his best yet. I'm a little bit more simple and at the age of 46 have just come to adapt the principle that people are amazing and differences give the world color. If you want to be bored, hang out with people like you all the time;).
And yes, I do disappear. A bit too often. At least from the online world. Good for my sanity. Bad for my writing career;).
Hope to catch you around here more often and looking forward to digging into your posts as your publication sounds up my alley.
I actually just met Michael a few weeks ago, and it's already been such a valuable connection.
He's incredibly smart and very insightful, and I can see why you've been friends for so long.
Oh wow, looking forward to catching your interview on the 26th and I’m glad my publication resonated with you.
Btw, dont worry much about your disappearing act. I'm sure the writing world always waits for you to pop back in. 😉
See you around!
Do Europeans know about vulnerability? Or, do they know already everything?
Well, I am European, and I tend to escape from this crowd: the arrogant. I know them too well.
But some have read my articles, loved them, and kept to themselves. These are the genuine ones. People must be humble to read.
I believe Scandinavia is different, though. Examples: I've seen self-help gurus giving seminars for a huge audience; people buying any kind of self-help book; Companies paying every kind of consultant and having meetings to understand how the employee is feeling valued, etc... This approach is very rarely found in Southern Europe. People in Scandinavia are low profile, invest in personal growth a lot and are a priorit to themselves.
This observation comes from a southern European living in Stockholm 😉.
OMFG!!!! This was hilarious and made my day!! Because I'm sort of like them, but stuck in the self help world with a love-hate relationship lol...this was fucking amazing! Thank you!
So glad you liked it Shruthi and right there with you regarding love-hate relationship with it. Growing up shy, stuttering and feeling like I didn’t have a voice, most of my work today is working with students and clients to own who they are. I can sleep well at night as I do view my work is helpful. I think what irks them is people barking orders without explaining why something matters to them.
😝😝